It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my sisters under your porch take her home
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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