You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
