I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You did what with his pubic hair?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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