i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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