Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
