she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
