yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize