drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
