Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize