I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
