I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
