No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
