i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
