you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
