I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
