I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
