so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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