two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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