I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
