I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
