I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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