i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
