you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
