some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
