Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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