So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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