I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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