Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I looked at my own cervix.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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