I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am mentally ready for anal.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
