That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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