Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In America we eat man semen.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
