I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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