You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
