so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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