It's Friday. Sex?
well you can't waste a boner
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
