So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
