in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
