32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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