hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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