I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
