Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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