Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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