i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
