At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
