Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
