he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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