is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
