I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
