I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
