If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
