I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
