If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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