jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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