I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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