You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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