when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
