This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
