I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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