You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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