i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
