why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
