Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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