Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
