Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
