My sheets look like a crime scene.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
