well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
