I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
