it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
