I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
