I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
