making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize