She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
