you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
