I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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