and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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