oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
