dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
