just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
