Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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