everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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