and you said cock pushups were impossible
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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